Toon goals

And lots of them, too. Toon goals The site has all the classics in recent years including Albert's chip against Man U, Rob Lee's wrongly disallowed classic (better than Beckhams goal) against Brentford and The Adidas adverts featuring Keegan, terry Mac and shearer and loads more.With a few clips from 60's, 70's and the 80's.About 10-15% are dead links more so as you go back in time.


Here is another Toon clips site that has 7 brilliant home made short movies with titles such as Bellars is a Geordie, Shear Class and Peter the Great.
And finally Alan SHEARER VIDEOS !!! is what it says, it includes the winning goal he scored against Germany in EURO 2000 on the day of my son's birth which inspired me to give him the middle name Alan.

Latest Laurent Robert Interview

The latest interview that Lauren Robert has given to his website has been translated by howaythetoon.com.Be warned it loses a little something in translation eg "Website: How do you smell Magpies outside this season?" Clicky here.

Online dynamic atlas, street maps (National Geographic)

"National Geographic's redesigned online atlas gives you the world—your way.

Find nearly any place on Earth, and view it by population, climate, and much more. Plus, browse antique maps, find country facts, or plan your next outdoor adventure with our trail maps." MapMachine--online dynamic atlas, street maps (National Geographic)

YETISPORTS 4

YAY! to new Yeti sports game.It's a canny one. YETISPORTS 4

Optical Illusions

"In each of the images you should see at least TWO things at once. The moral of the story? - don't be too quick to trust your brain!" - that is what the site says.Look for the coilour chart test, according to the blurb my "right brain" must not work, because i passed the test with no problems. Optical Illusions

Tourist drive finds Sunderland so forgettable

A campaign to lure tourists to the region which invites visitors to "Forget Everything Else" has caused uproar by forgetting about Sunderland.

A 12-page brochure was sent out to more than 700,000 homes across the country last weekend highlighting the top attractions in the North-East.

Clicky here for more.

Win a baby

You can forget your Blankety Blank chequebook and pen or the Bullseye speedboat, in this quiz on US TV you can win a baby.

Strange But True

Strange But True at StrangeFacts.com! #1 for strange facts, tidbits and useless information

Worst XI - SoccerAge

The worst 11 players in the Premiership this week are here. Unsurprisingly Desailly is in there.

The UK TV Advert Music Database

Ever wondered what that song was called on a TV ad? Well wonder no more. Commercial Breaks and Beats :: The UK TV Advert Music Database

Way to go

15 Year old boy wakes to find 180kg bear in his tent.Boy kicks bear ass. See here.

Match reports - Chelsea (h)

nufc.com has the Chelsea match report up. Clicky here.

Newcastle ready for terror exercise

A major emergency planning exercise to test Newcastle's response to a potential chemical or biological threat is taking place today. BBC NEWS | England | Tyne | City ready for terror exercise

Derelict London.com

Our beautiful capital. Apparently.

Tyne Bridge Towers

Plans are being revived to bring the towers of the Tyne Bridge into use for the first time.

Newcastle City Council has drawn up a draft brief to guide developers on potential uses for the north tower and Gateshead is expected to follow suit with the south tower.

ic Newcastle - Bridging the gap in Tyneside landmark
Time for a compo methinks, can anyone think of a good/funny use for the towers? Please leave answers in comments.

Fools

This clip is not new you may have seen it before(but it is very good). This is what happens when you mix Alcohol and Chlorine together.

Games

Lots of games for you to play. Online Free Games

Match reports - Marseille(h)

nufc.com has the Marseille(h) match report up.

Nicosphere 3000

Smokers.Are you sick of being told where you can and can't light up?, then you need one of these. You could have a tab in Ireland or New York with the aid of this remarkable invention.

Project Dalek

All the know how on how to build a Dalek.
I'm off to get my screwdrivers...

Newcastle United 2, Chelsea 1

Just when Liverpool thought they had done enough at the weekend to steal a march on us we go and beat Chelsea with 2 superb goals.(Was Shola good enough for you,Dogs?).Match report.Once again we picked up another injury-Win marred by Woody blow.
In other Toon news Robson salutes Shearer and Magpies go Dutch

Feline Medical Curiosities

Do you like Cats? I bloody well don't so here is a page full of freak Cats like cleft palate, fat Cats and 4 eared specimens.Feline Medical Curiosities
Fresh from this weeks brilliant b3ta newsletter.

Newcastle United 0, Olympique Marseille 0

Newcastle could only manage a draw last night,leaving it all to be done in a fortnight. Match report
In other Toon news rumours of a Russian £400M takeover surface and despite "screaming matches" Robert does love Bobby.

Foot in mouth syndrome

Have you ever said something and then wished you had'nt? This weeks thread on b3ta.com is Brill reading.

Chinese Arch to be built in city

Newcastle's Chinatown to get a shiny arch. See here.

Follow up:

Some more on our divorce with Newcastle Brown Ale

Comets to put on morning sky show

Astronomers say there could be three comets visible to the unaided eye in the night sky in a few weeks' time. BBC NEWS

S&N to close Newcastle brewery

Scottish & Newcastle has said "it is to close its Tyne Brewery in Newcastle and move operations to a new site nearby". See here Note clever use of the word nearby,it is actually moving to the Fed brewery in Dunston which means Newcastle Brown Ale will no longer be brewed and bottled in Newcastle.

Elvis

Man has plastic surgery to look like Elvis.
Great before/after pictures and one just after(black and blue face)

Toon corner

Newcastle face Marseille with a host of injury doubts in other toon news Fat Fred has said Arsenal can have Woodgate if we can have Henry and Viera, Newcastle renew their deal with Northern Rock, UEFA Cup winning captain Bob Moncur wants the pain to end and Cup hero Ronnie Simpson has died.

Honda goes Lego

Quicktime needed

Strange face images

See here.

Trains

Forget "the wrong kind of snow" or "leaves on the line" the problem with our trains is now the "wrong kind" of atmospheric pressure.

German girl 'up for sale' on eBay

A German woman had put her daughter up for sale on eBay.

Match reports - Aston Villa (a)

nufc.com have the villa match report up now. Clicky here

Dishing the dirt...

Eminem's ex-mistress dishes the dirt on tiny Eminem.

Teletubbies Targets

Kill the Teletubbies to reach the bonus round wher you kill Barney. Tele Targets-JOKED.COM

Internet tennis

The best online tennis game.Ever.

Sporks Are Godlike

Useless with chopsticks and cutlery? Then you need a Spork

Driver's Ed

Think you're a good driver? Then take the test...JengaJam.com >> Driver's Ed

Strange

Annoy this guy with your mouse.

The Writings on the Stall

Toilet Graffiti.


Link pilfered from the brill Bifurcated Rivets : eclectica for epopts

Happy Birthday BBC2

BBC2 has now been going for 40 years and has repeatedly produced quality viewing.Most of my TV favourites begun life on BBC 2 including The Goodies, M.O.T.D., Fawlty Towers, The Likely Lads, Boys From The Blackstuff,The Office, The Young Ones and many many more classics all for the price of a license fee.Unbeatable. BBC Two's 40 years on air

Newcastle Falcons

Newcastle Falcons won the Powergen Cup 2004.BBC - Tyne Sport - Newcastle Falcons: Powergen Cup
I can't say i am a rugby fan but congratulations are due all the same.Let's hope our football team can make it a cup double, too.

Odd pics of the strange, weird, and bizarre

Does what it says on the tin!

Bizarre > Picture Archive > People

Lots of weird pictures are here.
Use the drop down box on the right for other categories.

Worst record ever

USATODAY.com have an article on the 10 worst songs ever.I hav'nt heard of a couple of them before but the rest are really bad.Could'nt you just think of another 90 titles to add to the list to make a top 100. See here.
We built this city...HAHAHAHAHA

Villa 0 Newcastle 0

Newcastle gained a decent point at Aston Villa yesterday considering we played with 10 men for more than 80 minutes. Match report
Other news -
Craig Bellamy sweats on scan


Newcastle Want Thomas Gravesen?


Arsenal want Woodgate


O'Brien gets a 2 match ban

Follow up

A 10 Euro coin has been made to celebrate Tintin's 75th birthday. BBC NEWS

Goldfish

Seen as how there are no problems in the area of Newcastle city council and no problems for Nexus to deal with then why not use 7,yes seven,men to find a goldfish that has been dumped in a drain in the Jesmond suburb of Newcastle.

Quality use of taxes,methinks not. ic Newcastle - Free Willy

Toon corner

Ahead of tomorrows game at Aston Villa Nobby says he is fit to play against us and he talks warmly of his time on Tyneside and explains how he could'nt celebrate if he scored tomorrow.
Here is the team news for tomorrow.
Here is the Toon news,there is loads -


1 - Who's the idiot?


2 - You'll be hot favourites to beat us says Marseille ace


3 - Daniele De Rossi to Newcastle United?


4 - Fat Fred to quit if the Toon win a trophy?


5 - Woody still angry over ban


6 - Robertr eyes UEFA glory


7 - Given rallies Magpies


8 - ic Newcastle - United ready to spend £500,000 on a new pitch


9 - Ten days that will map out Toon destiny


10 - Toon have to keep going says bobby


11 - The official site says Monday's reserve game against Sunderland is off.

Di groper dies

A local man who carried out a number of assaults on women, including two international athletes, two female members of staff at Durham prison and most famously lunged at Princess Diana on a visit to the region has died in hospital. ic Newcastle

Rubbish

Here is a list of stuff found in a clear up of 127 miles of New Jersey,US coastline.A lot of it is "normal" rubbish but the one figure i can't figure is 112 light bulbs!

Pictures and Movies of Tyson

Fresh from today's b3ta newsletter comes a brilliant clip of Tyson skateboarding
Does'nt sound good? let me tell you that Tyson is a Dog

Newcastle 2, PSV Eindhoven 1

Newcastle beat PSV 2-1 last night,another superb win in Europe.Match report.So much for a Battle of Britain final as Celtic crash out.
In other Toon news Shearer among PFA nominees, Bellamy reckons our pitch could be our secret weapon,Fabien barthez sets up Toon tie and Reserve Derby game made free for all in aid of the film being shot at St. james.

Soccer Commercials

All the top quality football ads of the past few years are here.

Also see Football goals to download.

Gazza

Here is a reminder of just how good he was.

Left click = Stream
Right click/save target as=Download for those on a slo-dem

From SpySports.net, a site with lots of music video,classic TV ads and other stuff.

Match reports

PSV Eindhoven (a) and Arsenal (h) match reports are now up at nufc.com.

I Love 1991

A quality look back to the best things that happened in 1991 with people's views on the subjects.I Love 1991: Part Two - Article - Stylus Magazine

Thanks to Ben@Silent Words Speak Loudest for that link.

EuroMillions on Tyneside

Britain's first EuroMillions winner is from the country's luckiest lottery area - Tyneside - operator Camelot has confirmed.

The as yet un-named winner scooped £16.7m - the biggest prize since the draw was launched in February.



BBC NEWS

Orange Evolution 04

The Orange Evolution returns to Tyneside soon. Official site

Gator, er, Claria Files for IPO

Claria, the controversial adware company formerly known as Gator, on Thursday filed for an initial public offering to raise $150 million to continue developing its "behavioral marketing platform." The scourge of the net.

Newcastle United 0 Arsenal 0

Newcastle fought out a hard earned point against champions elect Arsenal at St. James yesterday. Match report. Once again our defence was immense and Johnathan Woodgate again proved he is the best English centre half.
In other Toon news this article wonders if this was the reason Viana was bought and Woodgate says it's 4th place or failure.

Gazza quits football

Paul Gascoigne says he has been on the wagon for a year and he is giving up football.I hope he has given up the drink but either way i would like to say thanks for the memories Gazza and for brightening up many a grey day in the 80's at St. James.Everybody knows he has been finished with football for a while now but at least he seems to have accepted it now Gazza quits football and plans Toon farewell

Slow down!

Prince Charles needs his sleep.

Toon Corner

Ahead of today's game against Arsenal the brilliant NUFC.com says "Thierry Henry was NOT on the plane that landed at Newcastle airport with the rest of the Arsenal squad. That's not to say he didn't travel by road with his flight-fearing colleague, Dennis Bergkamp. Latest news is that Henry faces a late fitness test."
Kieron Dyer needs a fitness test to see if he can play and we also have O'Brien and Bowyer available again.Arsene Wenger is considering changes to his team as this will be their 4th game in 9 days.

In other news the Dutch prefer Shearer to Gullit, Toon Target Kluivert Warns Barca, JJ is a model and Bellamy has gone to the dogs and Fat Freddie wants God to extend his playing career.

BBC to screen first TV sperm race

Digital TV channel BBC Three is to broadcast what it says is the first televised sperm race later this month. Strange

Proposals for new Tyne crossing

Plans are being put forward for a new Tyne crossing

More complaints filed against Disney characters

A couple of weeks ago a story came to light about an alledged 53xual assault on a woman and her child in Disneyland by Tigger.Police have investigated the claim and came up with 24 other claims regarding Tigger's behaviour. See here

Cat Poo Coffee

On the lush, volcanic slopes of the Indonesian archipelago, villagers "harvest" kopi luwak. The beans used for the world's rarest and most expensive coffee have already been munched by cat-like palm civets before they are plucked from the dung to be dried and roasted.Yuk!!



Reuters.com

Strange

Serial car snatcher Colin Sadd takes cars, drives about for a few hours, washes and polishes the vehicles, gives them a full valeting and then leaves them to be returned, undamaged and in immaculate condition. Yorkshire Post

The Sims 2

The Sims2 site has lots of pervy screenshots from the upcoming game including a young boy watching a lady in the bath and scenes of l35b1an15m.Just what you want in a kids game eh? Methinks not. See here

Toon Corner

Another fine result in Europe for Newcastle and another dodgy refereeing display from one of Europe's top referees,apparently.
Jermaine Jenas equalised for Newcastle on the stroke of half time after going behind to a Kezman goal on 15 minutes.Aaran Hughes was caught napping for the kezman goal and after that it took Hughes a while to settle down but he later played his part in a brilliant defensive performance including Bernard who for me was man of the match.Woodgate and Bramble were also immense in the face of a second half onslaught by PSV. ic Newcastle-Match report

Watchdogs Slam Google's New E-Mail Service

I thought it sounded to good to be true.Do you really want to use this service? Clicky here for more

Eeeyew!!!!

Body piercing must have surely came to the end of the road in shock stakes with this new body part to be pierced.What is left to pierce after this?

Am I Right - Names

How Bands got their names,they're all here.
Different people have suggested different reasons for a particular name so it can't be 100% correct but when it comes to bands i know they are correct, although there was a new entry to me about the naming of Green Day. Clicky here

Star Wars DVDs top web sales list

And it's not even out yet!!! See here.


Actually it surfaces in September, just in time for my Birthday if anyone feels kind enough to furnish myself with the aforementioned product.

Tardis materialises in Blackpool

A new permanent exhibition about Doctor Who will be housed in the Golden Mile Centre on the Central Promenade.Several of the Doctor's best-known adversaries such as Daleks, Cybermen and the Sea Devils will be there.

Clicky here
Where's my coat?....I'm off to Blackpool

'Clever' car to solve congestion

A three-wheeld car is being developed by EU funding that could be the answer to our growing traffic crisis. See here.
No mention of a boot though so Del Boy would'nt want one.

Follow up

More on yesterday's local loon.

DVD players

2 American companies are planning to release a DVD player which is programmed to skip 53xual content,violence and bad language.See here.Can someone tell me what the point of that is?

Toon Corner.

Once again Newcastle travel with almost a fully fit squad for tonight's game in Holland.Only the injured Griffin and the ineligible Bowyer (lets not talk about that) did'nt travel.Shearer, Ameobi, Bramble and O'Brien are all on one yellow card,meaning if they get one tonight they will be suspended for the return leg.Tonight's game will be shown on Channel 5 programme starts at 7-30.
In other news Johnathan Woodgate says he is yet to reach his best form this season and Leeds United Pretendy manager Eddie Gray has said that due to his terrific form Alan Smith would cost Newcastle or Birmingers £11m.




Bookies William Hill are offering 12-1 on a Battle of Britain stylee Newcastle-Celtic final in the UEFA Cup.

Your All Gay

Some more "Old Gold" YOUR ALL GAY NSFW

George Bush Or Ralph Wiggum?

Which one are you? Take the test to find out.

2 Seconds

Was this goal the fastest ever?

Chinook Blunder

Eight new Chinook helicopters bought by the Ministry of Defence are grounded because they can't fly when it is cloudy.Chinook blunder 'left RAF short'

Doh!

The Armoury At Number 15

The story of a local nutcase university student arrested on terrorism charges with Al-Qaeda links.At first i thought it was funny,now i think it is slightly worrying.

I'm doing well out of ic Newcastle today.

Majorca Hooligan Claims Rubbished

Claims that Newcastle United fans heaped disgrace on the club during their latest UEFA Cup game were dismissed today as a Spanish slur.See here.
Charles Nutter, 49, a bar owner from Yorkshire who now lives in Majorca, said:"What a sad indictment of the English. This is how they are perceived by the Spanish people and, sadly, the Toon Army did not let them down."
Only 3 yes 3 people were arrested out of the thousands that travelled,what kind of ar53h0l3 Yorkshireman is he? I bet he supports Manyoo.

Haymarket

The Haymarket in Newcastle is set for a £9M revamp. Clicky here for more.
The link includes an artists impression of the outcome including the obligatory space age silver stylee people carriers.

NUFC.COM

The match report is now up at nufc.com - Match reports - Everton (h)

Mr. Hankey Contruction Set

Watch the cartoon,catch your poo for your Mr Hankey then dress him appropriately.Good clean fun,no grubby hands either. Mr. Hankey Contruction Set

Toon Corner

That is enough of the smutty stories,i only have them here for Bungers.Honestly.




Newcastle have failed in their bid to have the Southampton game moved.




Shay given says we must cure our away day blues and Aaron Hughes admits there are tougher tests to come.
In transfer news Newcastle are rumoured to be interested in Parma midfielder Mark Bresciano and we are chasing the new Shearer

OOPS.

Britney Spears has had a double "wardrobe malfunction".Sorry guys,no picture.See here.

One For Bungers

Alanis Morissette appears on Canadian music awards show wearing a bizarre "naked" body suit, complete with nipples and pubic hair. Clicky here.

Very small picture possibly NSFW

Marmalade Death

Marmalade,not only does it taste bad but making it is really dangerous.A freak series of conditions combined to kill a retired teacher as he made some, an inquest heard. ic Newcastle

Flying Scotsman to stay in the UK

The flying Scotsman is set to stay in the UK

after the bid backed by Richard Branson was successful.The train will now go on display at National Railway Museum in York

Naughty

An investigation has been launched at one of the region's top universities after "peep" holes were found drilled in student shower cubicles. ic Newcastle - A hole lot of bother

Kieron "I'm A Little Teapot" Dyer

Apparently Kieron Dyer done his "i'm a little teapot" on saturday again.Dont understand? Clicky here and you soon will.

Warning

If your Wife is a bit crazy then here is one good reason why you should not stray.

New Scientist

A brilliant new image of Saturn has been released. New Scientist

Patently Absurd

Strange patents registered in the UK,including the fart collecting device. See here.

Newcastle V Everton

Newcastle kept up their brilliant home form with a 4-2 win against Everton this afternoon.That is 6 on the trot at home now.If only we could get it together away from home we could be aiming higher than a 4th place finish.match report

Daily Snopes: (April Fools' Day)

A round up of the best online April Fools. April Fools' Day

Dirty Money

A Man stole $1200 and hid it in his rectum.His surname probably gave it away.Clicky here.

NetSky.Q

I have received at least a 15 emails containing this virus - NetSky.Q

in the last couple of days and it is beginning to p155 me off.My security seems to have kept it at bay but if you think yours isnt that good you should read this and then remove me from your address books please.
Reading the info it seems like someone probably got it from e-Donkey or Kazaa.Kazaa is 5h1+ anyway and if you use it you must expect these things.Why not try other types of file-sharing programs which are not as hacked as Kazaa.I dont need to tell you the name of other programs just look,they are out there.

Class

One of my favourite songs set to a lovely little cartoon.Clicky here.





From www.albinoblacksheep.com

Football April Fools

Here are some of yesterdays best footy related scams.

www.theburglarsdog.co.uk

The independant guide to drinking in Newcastle - www.theburglarsdog.co.uk

Speaking of drinking the New Links night out is tonight.If you are local and you fancy a pint with a bunch of arguing friends and me check out the banner at the top of New Links page.
I'm the one with the sensible haircut.

The Wrong Bananas-Old Gold

I know it's old and you may have seen it before but if you have not..The Wrong Bananas-Rathergood.com

Toon Corner

Newcastle go into tomorrow's home clash with Everton with pretty much a full squad to choose from except for Gary Speed. who missed the midweek Wales game.




It seems that Andy Griffin may be on his way out of St. james after failing to get over a long term injury




Bradley Orr scored a wonder goal for the reserves in a 3-0 win over Boston.

The story said it was like Beckham's a while back but i prefer to say it was like Rob Lee's goal for the toon that was wrongfully disallowed a few years back,he scored from just inside his own half and the goal was ruled out for offside?????


As the season nears it's end the transfer rumours go into overdrive.Today Newcastle have been linked with Mark van Bommel, Alan Smith and a player unknown to me Glen Little

Fat Girls and Feeders

I seen a programme on TV last year on this subject and thought it was all a bit much when the Bloke had pictures of his Missus in different stages of obesity.Rather strange.Fat Girls and Feeders

10 Funniest April Fools Tricks

Clicky here

Mini Golf Game

Here is a cool little Golf game.It's extremely playable and about time i had a good game on here,it's been a while.



Another quality link from JengaJam.com

Eminem Letting Himself Go?

He certainly has.Check his new video here JengaJam.com

On Strike

The Simpsons have gone on strike. BBC NEWS

Stupid Answers

Here are some stupid answers to the question of why these people need a bank loan.

Enjoy Your happy Meal

If you have a Happy Meal this week i hope you enjoy it more than this Lady did. See here