The Blues

I have questions.

• Regarding the recurring lyric, "I gots to find mah baby / Won't somebody please bring her on home to me?": Where do you people keep leaving them? And how do we know which one is yo' baby? Any identifying characteristics we should be aware of? Would you mind if we just grab somebody's else's baby and bring her on home to you? Because if I'm not mistaken, there are an awful lot of blue people out there who have failed to secure their babies properly, and those babies have gone missing. Are they interchangeable? Is there an SPCB in your area?

• Regarding the recurring lyric, "I got the blues so bad / Ev'ry since mah baby went away / Won't somebody he'p me? / The blues are here to stay.": I don't mean to belabour the point, but if you had been a little more careful with yo' baby, you wouldn't be in this blue position now, would you? It's really none of my business, but how much would it cost you to have a simple bicycle lock, or something that could be adapted to fit yo' baby? Have you considered a bar code tattoo? Or, maybe there is something besides the return of yo' baby that would he'p you get rid of those blues. Have you thought about that? What about a fun movie, like Tootsie or The Nutty Professor? Maybe you should try to get out a bit more, and stop just being all ... blue, you know? Really, there's nothing to be gained by just sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself. Chin up. There, that's better.

• Regarding the recurring lyric, "I got the blues!! Yeah, come on now!! Whoo, I'm blue!!" Are you sure? I have known some sad people in my day, who were truly blue, and I don't recall any of them leaping in the air and landing on the stage doing the splits, then jumping up and getting the audience to clap along with the beat. Really, you might just be happy and not realize it! If you take a look around and count your blessings, maybe you won't be blue at all. And wouldn't that be wonderful!

• Regarding the recurring lyric, "Guh gaw. He'p me now. Looka heah. Law ha moicy." I'm sorry, but that is very difficult to understand. You know, we can't help you if we don't know what the problem is. Why not try just slowing down a little and say every word like you really mean it? It comes from down here. Put your hand on your tummy, and say it slowly. See? You can feel the words. Just try to feel what you're saying. See what I mean?

I'm glad I could he'p.

Pain and suffering courtesy of Cooper Green