Der WeltBreiteRaster
The invention of the internet is popularly accredited to an American, Dr. J.C.R. Licklider, who proposed his "Galactic Network" concept to M.I.T. colleagues in August of 1962. It has recently come to light, however, that Nazi Germany had a working model of the World Wide Web in place well before the onset of the war in Europe.
On this date exactly 75 years ago, scientists at the highly secretive AOL GügleInstitüt in Dusseldorf successfully downloaded pictures of a scantily clad Milchmädchen who called herself "Heidi" and dotted both i's with little smiley-faces (not shown here). The photos were grainy, and following the custom of the day "Heidi" kept her pointy bits discreetly concealed with doilies while positioning herself behind a tall Milchkännchen in order to adequately obscure her fundament.
Eager to share saucy banter with one another while viewing these photos, technicians at AOL GügleInstitüt hastily constructed a rudimentary chatline where they were able to exchange remarks, in real-time, about Heidi's ample bosom and firm thighs. An alert Signalman, Gefreiter Joachim Schmud, had the foresight to capture a small segment of the on-line banter for posterity:
panzer443: Ach, ist eine heine!
Tuchus-Mann: Nein, ist eine heine und zwei melonen!
panzer443: LOL!!!
Spitzzzzz: LOL!!
panzer443: Eine heine, zwei melonen, und eine schwetzenmakinpokendoppler!!
Tuchus-Mann: ACH!! OMG!! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spitzzzzz: LOL!! Ja, ist schwetzenmakinpokendoppler!! Hahahaaahahahahahhaaaaaahhahahhhahahhhaaaa!!!!!
Nazi Germany was soon distracted by the war effort, and funding for the WeltBreiteRaster (WorldWideWeb) was instead diverted to the manufacture of snappy uniforms. To their chagrin, the scientists at AOL GügleInstitüt, most of whom had a firm grasp of the promise that their invention held, sat helplessly by as their labour of love sat neglected for decades. Virtually every element of the Germans' discoveries was redicovered by the Americans long after the war's end, with the Americans bestowing the catchy name "E-brain" on their new invention. The pioneering German scientists, however, were able to extract a measure of revenge when they persuaded the Americans that the E-brain moniker was "childish", and it should be replaced with the more descriptive German name of WeltBreiteRaster. The awkward abbreviation of "Doppelzimmer-ü Doppelzimmer-ü Doppelzimmer-ü" was eventually shortened to "www", but most pundits agree that there is still a trace of Nazi revenge to be found on today's internet.
Blaupunk'd by Cooper Green
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