My Dear Whom
Permit me to say that it goes without saying. My protestations shall not fall on deaf ears, as truth is my witness. To say that I bear a modicum of ill will with regard to the issues at hand would be a miscarriage of the integrity which I so reluctantly apply to my notable absence of bonhomie, and trust that you will respect my given right to bear this enmity with which I am so evidently endowed.
You have not heard the last of me. Please apologize at your earliest convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Cooper Green, Esq.
Torches and pitchforks provided by Cooper Green
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